So, this is the way I say I need You.

I really didn't want to write a completely new entry. I feel like I talk too much if I do that.
But I have so much to speak about, I'm not necessarily tight with God right now, I strive to be and I'm acting on this. I'm acting on this desperation for Him. I'm after his Heart with such fire in my own. I know I could speak out, I know I could be a witness and tell others about Him and His saving grace, I just don't possibly know where to start! I want, so desperately, to give my life over to Him fully and completely. I've never been able to do this task.

At times I get discouraged with the "place" the world puts me in. I don't claim to be anything more than human. I just strive to be more Christ like in all I do.

This doesn’t mean I’m perfect, that I’ve never doubted, or never sinned. It doesn’t mean I’ve lived a sheltered life of forced religion taught by my parents.
It doesn’t mean I’ll judge others who have chosen to live a different life style or are a different religion then me.

It means, to me, that I’ve made a choice.
To focus on what God wants for me.
To live a life full of purpose according to his will.
To love people, instead of worrying about where they're at in life.
To be honest and sincere in my actions.
To live a life above reproach and questioning.
To set aside my wants and desires for his glory.
To do what is right, not because I feel I have to but because I have an understanding that I’m worth more than the pressures and standards of mans opinion of me.

To be a living sacrifice.

The "box" and it's four small walls, built out of pre conceived thoughts, enclosed with the bondage of stereo typical allegations justified by previous acquaintances claiming to be the same but acted in a hypocritical manner.

This box.
Cannot contain me.

I read this girl's blog and I adore her words. She is my inspiration.

Everybody wants freedom. But not everybody wants to be free'd.

I can't keep holding onto something that died a long time ago.
I'm getting sick of all my entries being about him. I'm sure you are as well. I've just got so many pent up feelings about all this I haven't been able to express. I know this is it, though.
I also know I've said that so many times, but to be able to move forward in my relationship with Christ, I have to let go of Tyler. And just lying to myself isn't it. I really have to let go, I know I need strength to do this though, I put all my time, energy, emotions, and love into Him which is why he meant and still does mean a lot to me. I've lost myself for most of me because of everything I've done in life. This is just a stall, a distraction, in my life. I was heading for a precipice. Oh, True freedom is my goal. Pure, real, freedom. Not this fake mess I've been feeling. I really believe I've been lying to make myself feel better because once I'm alright, I fall back into my hole, it was inevitable. It never failed that when I was alright, I'd fail. I'd let myself and everyone down. In so many ways. I no longer want to be burdened by this. I just want to be free of this. And I'm halfway there. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can barely touch the sky, but if I grow just an inch more, I'm there. This honestly excites me like nothing else has before.
I want to be more than just OK. I will be free and happy. Despite what the world throws at me.

I want to be an inspiration to someone. I want to make a change in people's lives. I want to be more than someone I am. I want people to know God for what He does, who He is, HOW He is. It's not my name I'm dying to get across, it's not my name I want the world to know, but instead His. I know the world is full of "Christians" How many can say they've been transformed by Him and His love? But more importantly, how many mean it? I don't want to be a hypocrite or in that percentage of people. I'm not selling out for fake. I'm determined to be real and show people what that is. I want to be a religion pusher in no way of the sort. But it's like we have to try so hard to find one real christian nowadays. It's very needle in the haystack like. It's becoming impossible.

I will make a difference.