this one i was just basically seeing if i was capable of drawing, and i guess i am?
(oh, this time i used pastels)


i don't like those very much but this next one i think is nice.


i like it. but it's not my favorite.

i really am liking all this drawing jazz. it's my way of getting all these crazy thoughts in my head out. haha. and journaling, obviously.
i just think too much is the problemo here, folks.
so, this past week, i've felt crazy. honestly crazy. like i felt trapped in my head and all these crazy thoughts were coming at me. oh good golly molly it was pretty scary.
but i'm over it, hopefully. i didn't enjoy it. it all started with that mental hospital night. *shudders*

anyways, tonight was amazing, i really felt God working in me. i'm free. did you hear that?! FREE. and it's such a wonderful feeling, it overwhelms me. i'm really not sure if it's my meds or what. but i've stayed up until late hours, or early hours. whatever you consider 4 a.m. drawing, sitting, thinking, reading, writing or just talking to God. i'm doing something. i'm exhausted, but i don't want to sleep. i think i'm scared to sleep. gosh, one week all i want to do is sleep and the next i don't want to see my bed. haha. i'm so bi-polar with sleep. we're frenemies. i just don't wanna do it, i want to stay up and talk to God, no matter how physically unable i am to do so.

I'm not shaken.
I'm not letting go.

for once in my life i want to stick with Him. i always have, but i've never had this desperation for Him.
i've desired, not been desperate for Him. and trust me, i've hit rock bottom and i've done too much stuff to go back to. i don't want it all, i just NEED Him.
the thought of running into His arms makes me so happy my heart could explode. just knowing He's holding me comforts me more than anyone could imagine.
in all that i've felt lately, this is my favorite.